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1. Sunbathing in Arctic temperatures.
2. And dressing in clothes that do not reflect the actual weather, in any possible way.
3. Putting pasta in pies.
4. Behaving like we’re Highland warriors all the time, even if we live in the lowlands and shop at Waitrose.
5. Being weirdly apologetic about having loads of change when paying for stuff.
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6. Doing outdoor activities in weather that would make Bear Grylls shit a brick and cry.
7. Casually dropping the word “cunt” into conversation.
8. Calling this “roasted cheese”.
9. Eating burnt rolls.
10. Calling this “the big light”.
11. Having barbecues that look like this.
12. Ice cream vans that sell bread, milk, sweets, and pretty much anything else you can name.
13. Thinking Sudocrem is a magical salve that cures absolutely any illness you can think of.
14. Celebrating the new year by plunging yourself into icy waters while dressed as a twat.
15. Starting literally every sentence with the words “here”, or “hawl, you!”
16. Our pronunciation of the letter J.
17. Taking kids to bars.
18. Irn-Bru.
19. And, of course, having a completely fictional beast as our national animal.
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