Sun. May 19th, 2024

1. Irn Bru is the only thing that can cure a hangover.

It doesn’t matter how much you had to drink the night before, a nice bottle of Irn Bru will solve all of your hangover problems.

2. It is ‘taps aff’ weather as soon as it goes over 10 degrees.

You know that on the first sight of the sun then people will soon be half naked. Doesn’t matter if it isn’t even that warm, this is our summer and we must take advantage of it.

3. You are always prepared for rain.

It could be the hottest day on records in Scotland, but you’ll always remember to take a jacket with you because you can never be sure when the weather will change.

4.You have to favour Celtic or Rangers.

The advisory group has highlighted the importance of strict liability for sectarianism in football
You must support one of the Old Firm (Image: Reuters)

Even if you support neither then you have to prefer one or the other. “But which one of the Old Firm do you like” is a reply you usually get if you say you support Cowdenbeath or Stranraer.


5.You like either Glasgow or Edinburgh. You can’t like both.

Similar to the Old Firm question, you have to be a west coaster or east coaster. You can’t like both. It just isn’t right.

6.You will never meet a foreigner without them having some Scottish heritage.

Can you be Scottish and British? | Scottish independence | The Guardian

You have to nod your head and smile politely every time someone mentions the fact that their great-great Granny was Scottish.

And no, you don’t know their seventh cousin they have never met but lives in Scotland.

7. In school, Ceilidh’s were as important as Maths and English.

The Gay Gordons were a vitally important part of the curriculum. As much time was spent on them as learning your times tables.

8. You are confused when sausages aren’t square.

A roll and sausage
How can sausage not be square? (Image: Daily Record)

How can sausage not be square? A question you always ask when visiting family in England.

9. You know junior football doesn’t mean youth football.

When you tell someone not from Scotland you play junior football they are generally confused because you are 35 and weigh 21 stone and they wonder how you get away with it.

10. You know a bird doesn’t mean a flying creature, it means a woman.

Where are all the birds? is a different question when asked by David Attenborough compared to when you are drunk in the Garage on a Tuesday night.

11. Hogmanay is more important than Christmas.


Why Hogmany is Bigger than Christmas in Scotland; More on Sam's Fave  Tradition, 1st Footing - Outlander Behind the Scenes

Everybody loves Santa but we all know the important night is Hogmanay. That’s New Year’s Eve for non-Scots.

12. You spend Hogmanay watching Only An Excuse.

It is the best show on TV. Nobody can argue anything else. Even the non-football fans love it.

13. You get annoyed when the BBC still call it Henman Hill and don’t name it after Andy Murray.

Tim Henman didn’t even manage to win Wimbledon yet he still has a hill named after him. Why is it not Murray Mound?

14. You know how to say Milngavie.

Mull-guy. Yeah, we don’t know why either.

15. You know that Glasgow Prestwick airport is nowhere near Glasgow.

Glasgow Prestwick (Image: Ayrshire Post)

A confusing one unless you live in Scotland. Turns out Glasgow Prestwick is a 40 minute train journey from Glasgow.

16. Chips and cheese is a drunken tradition.

A trip to the chippy is always vital after a night out and chips and cheese is the only acceptable thing to order. It doesn’t taste great when you are sober, but it the world’s best meal when drunk.

17. You expect the Scotland football team to come up with a new way of failing to qualify for tournaments.

It has been a long time since Scotland made it to a major tournament, and it has got so bad we expect new ways of glorious failure from our national team. We get our hopes up but they are always crushed in the end.

18. You know that deep fried pizza is actually a thing

It is and you’ve had it. Probably at lunchtime in school with some chips.

19. You know that how means why.

Beavers to return to Cairngorms after 400 years after release license granted
Beavers to return to Cairngorms after 400 years after release license granted

It doesn’t mean why anywhere else in the world, but it does in Scotland. You can’t explain it but you know it is right.

20. You want evert storm to be called Bawbag.

Hurricane Bawbag was a great event in Scotland, and now every time there is a slight wind we reminisce about it.



By Lala