If you’ve lived in The Netherlands for any length of time you’ve probably encountered a Dutch birthday party, and if you haven’t you will eventually. It is inevitable. A Dutch birthday party can be best described as a ‘party’ that involves sitting around in a circle all afternoon and chatting while drinking tea or coffee and eating cake. Because of this they have become know as Dutch circle parties among a lot of people (expats and Dutch alike). Anyone who only considers a party to be a party if someone is passed out drunk in the corner, people are making out in the kitchen and the cops have been called at least three times is going to be sorely disappointed. Here is everything you need to know.

1) Gefeliciteerd and Arriving at the Party

When arriving at a Dutch circle party you will be expected to greet everyone, not just the birthday boy or girl. Don’t expect to get away with a general group, “hello,” either. You’ll have to make your way around the circle, greeting each person individually (with a handshake or cheek kisses, depending on the situation).

At this point it is very important to know that when the other attendees shake your hand and announce ‘Gefeliciteerd’ they are not introducing themselves with their name. It might start to seem like you are being introduced to a very big family (or that Gefeliciteerd is a more common name in The Netherlands than Smith) but they are in fact wishing you, “congratulations”. You are expected to congratulate them in return. Don’t make the same mistake I made when attending my first Dutch birthday party.

Guest: “Gefeliciteerd.”
Me: “Stuart. Nice to meet you Mr. and Mrs. Gefeliciteerd.”

All this congratulating happens because it is custom for the Dutch to congratulate everyone at the birthday party. It is not (as I later discovered) because they are unsure who the birthday boy or girl is (don’t try to be helpful by pointing). Family members will be congratulated for their connection to their Son/Daughter/Grandchild/Brother/Sister/Niece/Nephew/Cousin/other. Friends will be congratulated for being friends with their friend and neighbors will be congratulated for living next door to someone who is having a birthday. Every loose connection to the birthday girl or boy is celebrated.

2) Joining The Circle

The party will take place exclusively in the living room because that is where the seating has been arranged. Anything that even resembles a chair, sofa or stool will have been dragged from every other room in the house (or in emergencies the neighbors house) to form a circle. This is possibly because it is the optimal seating arrangement that allows for conversation.

Once you have successfully found a place to sit within the circle (not necessarily next to the people you arrived with and most likely between people you don’t know at all) you will be offered a drink and some cake. If you desire a drink with a little extra kick it is advisable to secretly conceal a hip flask of alcohol about your person. The strongest thing to be served at most Dutch circle parties is tea and coffee.

If all the congratulating from earlier has left you confused about who the birthday person is don’t worry, they are most likely the one who just served you tea and cake. In fact, they will be responsible for all the catering. They don’t get much of a rest on their special day. They even have to buy or bake their own cake.

3) Meeting the Family and Other Party Guests

The guests you’ll find at a typical Dutch birthday party are usually a mix of friends, family and other acquaintances. It is custom for there to be a minimum of 3 or 4 generations of family present (the maximum limit is only set by the average human life span). This makes it entirely possible to go from a conversation about life as a member of the Dutch resistance during World W.a.r 2 to another about which My Little Pony character is the best and why. It’s best to avoid getting these two conversations mixed up. Princess Twilight Sparkle was never part of the Dutch r.e.s.i.s.t.a.n.c.e.

However, since a lot of these conversations will be in Dutch and thus impossible for a non-Dutch speaker to follow it is best to find something of interest to do to pass the time such as; staring at a wall, listening to the clock tick, trying to guess how much Dutch ‘worst & kaas’ you can eat or simply going to your happy place.

4) Dutch Circle Party Surprise

However, you must also stay alert! As a non Dutch speaker it is possible to go from being unintentionally ignored to suddenly having the entire room focus upon you within a split second. This is usually because everyone is waiting silently for your answer to a question that you didn’t hear because you were too busy watching a bug crawl across the window.

It can happen because a Dutch attendee simply wanted to practice their English, ask you what brought you to the Netherlands or simply want to know the current prices of the UK housing market. Whatever the reason, everyone in the room suddenly wants to hear the English speaker talk and they never seem to realize what a shock to the system this sudden intimidating attention can be. Nor do they realize that testing us on our Dutch under the watchful eye of a room full of native speakers is not necessarily the most comfortable of situations.

5) When Does a Dutch Circle Party Finish?

But do not worry if you are outted as the only expat in the room. You will not have to suffer for long. Most Dutch birthday parties have a set end time at a very respectable hour. In fact, when most parties elsewhere in the world are just getting started a Dutch circle party is promptly finishing. If you are unsure when you should leave, don’t worry. The host or hostess will politely remind their guests it is time to leave by cleaning up around them.

PARRTTTYYYY!!!!!

By: www.invadingholland.com